Wednesday 11 June 2014

The day I died (and went to hell)


         The Ute. 

Utes are a very common vehicle in Australia. They were invented here to service the needs of our farmers. However they have become synonymous with any male (and often females) wishing to paint themselves as a "hard-working Aussie'. As such they have become popular with tradesmen and lazy dickheads. Typically most tradesmen will be better served with a van, however in order to prove their masculinity they often buy these things so that they could 'just throw stuff' in the back, and look blokey when they drive around. However some have gone to the extent of bolting in lockable boxes the size of the tray after they have discovered that their tools and supplies are easily stolen, and they can't transport beer without it sliding all over the place. 

On the streets utes are a danger. Not only do they frequently spill their contents onto the road (I've sometimes had to swerve to avoid ladders, paint, pipes, entire air-conditioning units etc.) but often they are driven by testosterone laden wankers that drive like they think they are in a race car. As such, they can even buy over-powered race-spec equipped utes that often end up wrapped around a tree because the rear of the car has close to no grip on the road unless it is carrying a load. 

But I digress... 
















14 comments:

  1. Wow! There's something metaphysical going on there, Scott. Glad you're still in one piece. :)

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    1. To be honest, being in one piece is the kind of condition I prefer to be in!
      Thanks!

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  2. Winner, Winner... (chicken dinner!) :D

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  3. That was a gripping read - well done.

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  4. Those damn boxes can pile up, can't they? We're boxing up some of our stuff and we are sometimes amazed (and slightly disgusted) by how much 'stuff' we have.
    There will come a time for a good Spring clean.
    Maybe next Spring.
    2015.

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    1. Urg! When I unbox I think I'm going to go a little nutzo again. Let's see what the result is. Maybe time to sell a heap of typewriters.

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  5. Oh, and glad to hear that you're okay.

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  6. Happy landings! You found your oasis, there's one waiting for all of us but sometimes there's a trial or two to go through beforehand. My nerves got better when I stopped commuting by motorbike - but I still look at it longingly once in a while.

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    1. One day I'll get too old, or worse - be in a serious accident. But I love riding, and even after the one accident that I've been in so far, I've still been able to pull through it and keep riding.

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  7. Hell is moving. You've nailed it, Scott. I hope the cooler climes of Melvis help decompress the mental oppression of boxes and Ute-brains. Keep calm and type on.

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    1. Yet to see if the cooler weather helps, but I am enjoying it! Typing on is exactly what I intend to do.

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